Developmental Pointers for Parents (9 years)

Pysical: Provide many activities to sustain interest. Include team games. Give opportunities for developing skills, such as handicrafts and active games. Include many activities in which he uses his hands and has an opportunity to use small muscle skills. Do not compare girls to boys or force them to interact.

Mental: Do not give all the answers; allow time to think, meditate, and discuss. Encourage memorization of poems and important quotes. Respect and be aware of individual differences when making assignments and giving responsibilities. Give opportunity for record keeping. Do not dwell upon fantasy, but teach truths. Teach about other people and and other countries. Provide opportunity for collecting and also for learning about the past while keeping up the present.

Social: Accept natural separation of boys and girls. Recognize and support the need they have of acceptance from the peer group. Be warm but firm. Establish and enforce reasonable limits. Encourage friendships.

Emotional: Use positive guidance, let him know you accept him, even though you do not approve of his behavior. Provide many experiences for exercising his independence and dependibility. Praise for these positive characteristics. Be fair in dealings and relationships with him. Give him opportunities for competing, but help him learn to be a good loser. Do not ridicule him or tear him down for wrongdoings, but help him learn to take responsibility for his own behavior.

Spiritual: Give specific information and facts. Use the child's interests to guide your discussions. Express your love and support for him often.

Developmental Pointers for Parents (6 years)

Physcial: Recognize overabundance of energy. Be patient with restlessness. Have the child use small muscles in such activities as writing, cutting, pasting, and molding clay. Provide opportunities for involvement in dramatizations, games, and making family rules.



Mental: Give chances to expand thinking ability in memory and problem-solving activities, such as riddles and open-ended stories. Introduce many new words; ask questions and listen. Provide opportunities for making decisions. Focus on making right choices and give practice in decision-making. Give limited choices. Provide opportunities for reading and writing.



Social: Encourage participation with others. Encourage sharing. Provide opportunities for group activities. Help the child find social acceptance by giving praise and approval. The child needs guidance in making and keeping friends. Teach the we show our love by helping others; focus on becoming sensitive to others' needs. Channel energies in a positive direction; be firm and warm. Teach love for others. The child needs help in learning the value of participation in games, needs to learn to be a good loser.



Emotional: Give security and praise so that he has less need to boast. Praise honesty. Do not criticize him negatively; be constructive. Be careful not to overstimulate or excite. Laugh with him but not at him. Encourage his positive moods. Be an example of calm, stable behavior.



Spiritual: Teach the child to be concerned and responsible for his own behavior and how to perfect it. Assure him that everyone makes mistakes. Teach simple repentance.

Developmental Pointers for Parents (5 years)

Physcial: Needs many simple games and activities. Allow him to be independent and do things for himself. Express your confidence in him. Provide him with opportunities to utilize newfound skills and perfect them. Give him an opportunity to cut, paste, put puzzles together, and engage in physical activities.

Mental: Give him many opportunities to talk, question, and comment. Be an attentive listener. Give opportunities for reading words and phrases. Build truth upon truth. Give simple tasks and responsibilities; and provide opportunities for problem-solving, such as riddles, thinking games, and questions. Be patient with this humor, and be willing to laugh with him. Provide opportunities for drawing and telling about his ideas.

Social: Be sensitive to his need for your approval. Encourage friendship. Talk about how others feel when people are kind or unkind. Focus upon positive relations with others, such as loving and expressing gratitude to others. Give many opportunities for pretending, dramatizing, pantomiming, and using puppets.

Emotional: Give the child an opportunity to share feelings about the family. Express love to the child, show your affection. Take advantage of positive emotional traits; praise the child for his work and responsible efforts. Be sensitive to things that embarrass him, and avoid these as much as possible. Teach right behaviors and attitudes that can be incorporated into his daily living.

Spiritual: Help him know right from wrong. Do not be shocked if he tells an untruth, but help him learn to accept responsibility for his own actions.

Best Gifts

I recently read the thoughts of June W. Dredge. Although I've never met her, I agree with her about some of the best things we can give to children. It's something to think about.



PARENT'S RELATIONSHIP

One of the best things we can give our children is for us as parents to love each other. All the material things in the world don't make up for that love. If parents love each other, it gives children security.
Also, my husband is a schoolteacher, so he has summers off. We have eight children. When my older children were small, we would move during the summers up to my father-in-law's farm. We did that until 1983. The children have had the best of both worlds. They've learned to work, and they had associations with their grandparents. During the school year, the children were more in the city. This built their self-esteem, because they had more people to love them and we were always doing things together. It also taught them responsibility.
After my father died, my mother lived with us. That was a real boost my family. My children had the influence of their grandmother. They learned about their ancestors and heritage. If children know their heritage, they are inclined to build on that.
We need to know where children are and who they're with and what they’re doing. We always had a baseball diamond in our yard and had neighborhood children over. If parents respect children's friends, it builds mutual respect.
--- June W. Dredge, Kaysville, Utah

Developmental Pointers for Parents (4 years)

Physcial: Utilize many large muscle activities. Help them learn to control his own behavior and be responsible for his own actions.

Mental: Provide experiences thatwill expand his reasoning ability, such as riddles and guessing games. Find opportunities for listening, discussing, and talking. Be alert to clarify conceptions. Provide experiences with new words. Be patient with humorous use of words. Answer questions patiently. Give aid in separating fact from fantasy. Use many sensory experiences and real objects. Provide for much variety and activity. Encourage him to make pictures about his life and ideas

Social: Give opportunities for playing and working cooperatively with others. Direct him positively. Tell him what he can do or is expected to do. Help them learn positive social behavior without punishing or scolding. Be patient and firm. Focus on teaching him to be kind, patient and polite. Expect him to take simple responsibilities and follow simple rules, such as taking turns.

Emotional: Establish limits and adhere to them. Provide many opportunities for talking about self and family. Be patient, sensitive, and kind, but also firm. Strengthen his positive self image by pointing out the things he can do for himself. Assure him of your love for him.

Spiritual: Teach him that he is special to God. Help him learn to be responsible for his own actions and behavior, and teach him the importance of making right choices. Teach him that God loves his children. Teach them the prayer is the way we communicate with God.

Developmental Pointers for Parents (3 years)

Physcial: Give opportunities for large muscle development and coordination such jumping, skipping, walking, or bending. Provide large equipment such as pictures, drawing paper or crayons. Avoid small muscle skills that require too much skill and coordination, such as tying or cutting. Enjoys pasting, molding clay, and coloring. Be prepared for some messy cleanups.

Mental: Present ideas simply and concretely. Listen and respond to questions and comments as well as you can. He enjoys group dramatizations, finger plays, pantomiming, singing, and simple games. Give him many opportunities for talking and contributing, but encourage him to take turns. Help them to learn new words. Teach ideas in a clear, concise way, using prior knowledge. Use many stories and songs.

Social: Encourage the child to learn to share, wait his turn, and cooperate with others. Encourage positive relationships by providing opportunities to play and cooperate with others. Plan activities that focus on the family. This is an excellent age to build attitudes of love and understanding toward the family and its members.

Emotional: Give your approval through facial expressions, gestures, and verbal responses. Avoid negative remarks about the child. Offer love, understanding, and patience. Help him work with and understand his own emotions. Teach him what kinds of things make him happy. Develop a warm relationship with him. Express and show love for him and confidence in him. Encourage him to do things for himself.

Spiritual: Think of him as the child of God that he is. Lay the foundation for his faith in Christ.
Teach him that God is a kind and loving God. Help them recognize the beauties of God's creations.

Developmental Pointers for Parents (30 months)

Physcial: Need many physical activities that use the use large muscles---marching, jumping, and clapping. Loves finger plays and simple games. Give opportunities to the child to help himself as much as possible. Although it may take longer, letting him try without interference may present an emotional outburst.

Mental: Listen to him; give many opportunities to carry on conversations with adults. Use many dramatic activities, such as simple plays and dramatizations of the stories he loves. Let him ask questions and talk about his experience. Respond. Use real objects instead of pictures from time to time. Let him examine a play with them. Keep activities simple.

Social: Be patient and positive in helping solve social problems. Be a good example of treating others with kindness and love. Talk positively about relating. Give security and comfort.

Emotional: Be patient and positive. Learn to divert attention and behavior. Children this age need lots of adult attention and support. Give many opportunities to choose and make simple decisions.

Spiritual: Children need simple truths about family, world, and God.

Developmental Pointers for Parents (2 years)

Physcial: Provide activities such as beanbag tossing and other large muscle activities. Avoid small muscle activities, that require skill and coordination, such as cutting and pasting.

Mental: Teaching, activities, and discussions must be simple. This child learns best through involvement and repetition. Give opportunities to choose. Do not leave alone. Take safety precautions because he can easily get himself into situations without consideration of safety. Listen to him, and give many opportunities for speaking. Provide many simple play materials.

Social: Do not pressure him to be involved or participate. Stay close by to give support and help manage social situations. Give warm and caring control and redirect attention from conflict situations.

Emotional: Be patient, tolerant and give lots of praise. Encourage him to be self-sufficient, but give lots of support and help when needed.

Spiritual: This child likes to pray. Give him opportunities to pray. Spiritual concept should focus on family and on the love of God.

Change Your Perspective

Recently, a friend shared the following insight with me. I'm suprised how powerful it is. Please comment and let me know what you think.


Reverse Your Buts

I learned a little trick, years ago, that helps me make a quick perspective shift, when I need to. Our company was participating in a management seminar in which we were taught a strategy that goes by the unlovely name of "reverse your buts." I did not make this up! It works like this:
Maybe you're thinking, "I love you, but you're driving me crazy." Instead, try thinking, "You're driving me crazy, but I love you." Isn't it amazing how different that feels?
Try another one: "I have a great job, but it's really stressful." In reverse, "It's really stressful, but I have a great job." . . .
Why does this work? It all goes back to the idea of focus. It's like when my husband made a video recording. . . [several] years ago. He started with a wide shot, trying to show the whole stage, and then panned across the line of performers and stopped to zoom in for a close-up of own kids. We stop and focus when we get to the thing that is of greatest importance to us. So when you put the positive thing last in the sentence, the focus is entirely different.



From Confessions of an Unbalanced Woman, by Emily Watts; published by Shadow Mountain, copyright 2006. pp. 33-35

Developmental Pointers for Parents (18 months)

Physcial: Use many activities that involve walking, pushing, and pulling. Be patient with inadequacies. Be patient, kind, and loving when the child becomes tired. Vary activities to keep the child's interest.

Mental: Listen to the child's ideas and respond as well as you can. Give many opportunities for talking. Speak to him with positive words and tone of voice. Use stories and songs with visual aids or actions often and provide opportunity for involvement. Provide many toys they can move and experiment with---stacking toys, small cars, balls, dolls, simple puzzles, and figures of people and animals.

Social: Provide toys and activities that allow the child to play alone. Do not force a child this age to share and interact with others.

Emotional: Be patient with inabilities and use postiive guidance to help them learn to share and relate with others. Make the child feel secure by rocking or holding.